Tag: masculinity

Be Proud: Why it is important to be a queer ally

I’m usually pretty cautious about how much personal information I share here. Unlike my personal Facebook account, this blog is open to the entire world to ingest. I am, at my core, a private person. I recognize the irony associated with me sharing certain portions of my life with whoever may stumble across my writing. It’s not lost on me. But I control what is shared. It’s curated information. Today, I want to peel back the onion a little further and share something else with you. Anyone who has followed along with my writing knows that I am a parent. My daughter recently turned 17, and is academically and artistically gifted. She is a theater performer. As she is currently finishing up her Junior year of high school, she is busy determining where she wants to attend college after high school graduation. To say that her mother and I are proud of the kind and whipsmart human being she is turning into is a gross understatement. Oh…and she’s gay.

While the last tidbit of information provides you no context as to the makeup of her character, it does provide context for the purpose of this blog post. Recently, a professional football player from the NFL Champion Kansas City Chiefs gave the keynote address at Benedictine College’s graduation ceremony. I won’t go into all the details of the address in this post (you can watch the video here), but he was critical of the NFL’s position on recognizing LGBTQ+ issues and celebrating the community. He also shared his thoughts on the most important accomplishments women could attain, but that’s a whole other issue. Needless to say, as the father of a gay, soon-to-be college student, his remarks hit close to home. As a representative of the NFL, he sent a message to my daughter. It was not one of inclusiveness.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that my daughter is not a lover of sports. That is not necessarily relevant to the purpose of this post. What is important is that this accomplished athlete sent a message to the entire queer community: You are not worthy to be celebrated. I know he didn’t say those exact words, but that’s what was communicated. It’s a message I’ve heard all too often. Why must LGBTQ+ Pride events be thrust upon my life? After all, there are no Heterosexual Pride nights in professional sports. To be honest, there was a time in my life when I asked the same question.

So, why is it important for businesses, professional sports organizations, and even public entities to promote LGBTQ+ Pride events? Why is it important to be inclusive? Why is it important for gay allies to be vocal in their support of the community? That’s what I want to articulate in this post.

Let’s start by answering the question of why there are no Straight Pride events. The answer? They are simply not needed. As a straight guy, I can tell you at no time in my life has anyone tried to shame me for being straight. There was no stigma growing up. NFL placekickers never stood up and said there is no room for straight guys in football. I’m fortunate to have several queer friends. Never has one asked me why I’m straight. Never has anyone insinuated that my character is in some way flawed because of who I’m sexually attracted to. My daughter cannot say the same thing.

As progressive as society has become, the LGBTQ+ community is still on the receiving end of an effort to shame who they are. My daughter has queer friends who are not fully accepted by their families. She has friends that are not publicly out, due to the fear of how their peers will react. The truth is that there are still legitimate concerns a queer person may have in not being open about who they are. As long as there are NFL placekickers out there who espouse beliefs that it is shameful to be gay, there is a need for society to offer some counter-programming. This is why the NFL recognizes there is a need to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community. There is a need to tell the roughly one in ten people in this world who are queer, that you can be proud of who you intrinsically are. There is a need for Pride events. Want a world free of Pride? Create a world where it is not necessary.

I recognize that some hold deeply held religious beliefs and that part of those beliefs center on the inappropriateness of homosexuality. I’m not here to tell anyone that their beliefs are wrong. That said, those same people have no scriptural problem eating a cheeseburger or condone selling their daughters into slavery. Those acts are also delineated in the same religious text that decries homosexuality as an abomination to God. I’ll let them rationalize that for themselves. The point is that nobody wants to force anyone else to be gay. In fact, you can’t force someone to be gay, any more than you can force someone to be straight. Acknowledging that roughly 10% of the world’s population is queer isn’t promoting the “spread” of its existence. It’s just science.

I’m glad the NFL promotes inclusiveness as part of their business. I’m appreciative of any entity that recognizes that my daughter should not be ashamed to be who she is. The LGBTQ+ community continues to need allies. As long as people are critical of such efforts, I’ll be there to lend my voice in support. As long as a child doesn’t feel accepted in their own family’s home, they will know they are accepted and loved in mine.

The Unmasking of a Highly Sensitive Person

“GET YOUR GLOVE ON THE GROUND!” This was the refrain from my little league coach. At 12, I had just spent my first year in school, in the small town my parents had moved us to. During my brief number of years, I had lived and breathed baseball. Nobody needed to tell me to make sure my mitt was touching the dirt, when fielding a groundball. You have to keep the ball in front of you. It’s a fundamental rule. That day, however, I had let a string of five or six grounders go between my legs, to the aggravation of my coach. The more I told myself not to let the next one through, the more anxious I became. Eventually, I lost my composure and just started crying. I had tried to hold it back, but the harder I tried, the more difficult it became.

In retrospect, this is the first time I remember being confronted with an undeniable truth; I was a sensitive person. I spent the next 30 years trying to change what I, and apparently others, believed was a fault. I was too sensitive, especially for a guy. I did not like the fact that I felt deeply about some situations and struggled in environments that my peers did not seem to struggle with. I wasn’t about to tell anyone about how I cried when I watched the movie E.T. There was no way anyone would know how devastated I had become when I first experienced a broken heart in high school. As a police officer, how could I tell my peers that sometimes at the end of my shift, I would just sit in a dark room and cry until my body physically prevented me from going on. I didn’t let on that I couldn’t stand to look at photos of crime scenes or autopsies, at the risk of becoming sick to my stomach, not with disgust, but with empathy. I was battling what we now know as the Toughness Myth. 

In 2014, I stumbled upon the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. While reading it, I immediately identified with nearly every indicator of a highly sensitive person. I struggled with receiving critical feedback. I became overwhelmed in certain environments. I took on the feelings of the people around me. I was easily moved by emotion. All of the characteristics I had come to believe were my faults or defects, were listed out right in front of me, clear as day. I was hopeful that the book would give me suggestions on how I could become less sensitive. If I had the right tools, I could surely learn to stop taking things so personally. After finishing the book, I was initially disappointed because it offered no practical ideas on how to stop being sensitive. It seemed as if this trait was simply a part of who I was. However, there was some comfort in hearing that about 20 to 30 percent of the world’s population are also classified as highly sensitive. 

Unfortunately, knowing that I was highly sensitive provided me little solace. I still felt compelled to mask my sensitivity, due to the Toughness Myth. In 2015, I left public service to start working in the private sector. Part of me thought that leaving the world of law enforcement and child welfare behind, the Toughness Myth would be less prevalent. I was mistaken. When receiving feedback from my leaders or peers, it all centered on one central point. I could become too emotional. I tried to explain that when I felt deeply about something, it could come across as being possibly confrontational, when in fact it was just deep feelings about things that others may not feel deeply about. Unfortunately, the more my motives were misunderstood, the more frustrated I would become. It seemed that trying to tell people about my high sensitivity was actually having the opposite effect. This, in turn, caused me to keep my sensitivity hidden safely away from all but those closest to me. Knowing that my sensitivity was something I could not change did little to prevent me from continuing to see it as a fault and a liability. 

Fortunately, I am a man of self-reflection. I have a rich and vibrant inner world of thought that I use to navigate the world. It’s no surprise that this is also a trait of highly sensitive people. I started learning more about highly sensitive people. I put a name to the Toughness Myth. I began to take the advice of other highly sensitive people and stop trying to change the fact that I was sensitive, unable to do so any more than I could change my height. I’ve come to recognize that the very trait that has caused me so much frustration in the past, is also responsible for some of my greatest gifts. The same sensitivity that causes me to dislike many stereotypical male endeavors (e.g. violent movies and extremely violent sports) is responsible for my ability to empathize with others so easily. My deep feelings about fairness, that others perceive as me being overly emotional, are what has allowed me to connect with those I’ve led, so effectively. That same sensitivity has allowed me to see beauty in the world, when others may only see chaos. I feel deeply, and that’s just who I am. 

So, why am I sharing this information with you? There’s no one, singular reason. It is partly due to the desire for people to better understand me, and other highly sensitive people. It also offers me the opportunity to reach other highly sensitive people, with a message of hope. After all, it’s likely that 1 in 3 people who read this are also highly sensitive people, whether they realize it or not. It is equally as likely for men to be highly sensitive as it is for women, breaking another leg of the Toughness Myth. And of course, with most of my writing, it serves as a cathartic experience for me. This is the next step in the acceptance of my sensitivity.

So there it is. The mask is off. I am a highly sensitive person. It is not a character defect. It is, like with all other natural gifts, imperfect. Of course, it is not superior to other gifts people may have. Being highly sensitive is no better or worse than what would be classified as a “normal” level of sensitivity. It is simply a part of who I am and how I experience the world, as is the fact that I’m an introvert and that I have fair skin. It is responsible for my appreciation of nature and all things beautiful. Some people may not understand the concept, whether because of the Toughness Myth or lack of a frame of reference due to their own level of sensitivity. But it should not be squirreled away. The world needs more sensitivity, not less; and I am here for it.

Getting By

It happens to everyone. As much of an introvert as I am, the isolation associated with staying safe in this pandemic has started to impact my mental wellbeing. There’s no escaping the fact that I’ve found myself in a bit of a funk as of late. To add insult to injury, I have also been a little rough on myself for feeling discouraged. After all, my family and I have fared extremely well through all of this. We are all healthy, still gainfully employed and by all accounts, living quite a comfortable existence.

This weekend, I finally verbalized my recent feelings to my wife. I pointed out that I was feeling guilty about complaining about the funk I have found myself in. She was quick to point out that I was not complaining at all. I was just sharing. No guilt and no judgement. She just listened.

This past weekend, I made it a point to sit outside, just being still. I sat outside and watched birds. Simple and uncomplicated. The birds didn’t seem to realize that we’re all a little stir crazy. The world just kept spinning. I found comfort in the stillness.

Today, I feel a little bit better. Just sharing my feelings with my best friend and taking an hour to connect with nature seemed to dull the ache of having our world turned upside down. I still miss our friends. I desperately want to travel somewhere where I can simply disengage. I see the light at the tunnel. Until then, I will look for the little opportunities to keep myself grounded. I will be more diligent about sharing the burden of my feelings with the person I trust more than anyone else. I’ll find a way. I’ll get by.

Essential Reading – Walden, or, Life in the Woods

Welcome to the first installment of the Essential Reading series, books I would recommend every man read. When trying to determine where to start, I asked myself if there was one book, above all others, which had the most significant impact on me. That is where I would start. That question, brought me to Walden, or, Life in the Woods by Henry David Thoreau. Allow me to explain.

There are several themes of Thoreau’s work that speak to me. It is, at its essence, a story of one man and his two year long experiment in self reliance, living in what could generously be called a cabin on Walden Pond, near Concord, MA. Let’s set aside the fact that Concord, MA is where I would want to live if I could afford to (and convince my spouse to do so as well). It is home to the American Transcendentalist movement of the 19th century. Emerson, Hawthorn, Alcott and Thoreau all called Concord home. What a rich literary history. I digress.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. – Henry David Thoreau, Walden, or, Life in the Woods

One central theme that still resonates in today’s world, for me at least, relates to simplifying what is important to a man. While completely shunning capitalism and technology for 24 months may seem unrealistic in 2021, there are important lessons we can take away from Thoreau’s reflections on his time spent at Walden. Important questions are left with the reader. Are the material gains we toil for worth it in the long run? Do the “things” we acquire justify the burden a man places on himself to obtain such treasure? We are forced to question what wealth really means.

Of course Walden is also a reflection on man’s relationship with nature. As if I couldn’t find more connections with Thoreau’s writing. It seems impossible to read the book without developing an impressive understanding of how important his connection with the land is. His ability to highlight the beauty in the smaller and better things, assists the reader in helping to answer these important questions. What is beautiful? What is wealth? What is success?

The reader, of course, must answer these queries for himself. One mark of a really great piece of writing is that it requires the reader to ask critical questions, even if they do not realize that’s the intended purpose. By this standard, Walden stands out amongst some of the very best works of literature we have available to us.

Have you read Walden? Have you asked yourself any of the questions? If you have, what have you come away with?

Are You A Leader? – Your Answer May Surprise You!

From a young age, I have been fascinated by the concept of leadership.  What makes a good leader?  What have renowned leaders done to achieve such regard?  This curiosity pulled me into a lot of informal study of leadership, even if I didn’t recognize that was what I was doing at the time.  Biographies still remain my favorite genre of books, especially those profiling and studying leaders of significance.

This eventually led to the choice of study for my graduate degree, earning a Master of Administration degree with an emphasis in leadership.  I have been fortunate enough to be able to exercise those principles in my occupational journies throughout the years.  More significant though, was realizing that leadership at work was but the tip of the iceberg.  The reality is that my most significant leadership opportunities have existed outside of a conference room.

To some extent, we all exert influence over others in life.  If you needed to break down the meaning of leadership to one word, I would offer that precise definition:  Influence.  And while the principles of leadership are far more complex and nuanced, influence is a fundamental building block. When you look at it from that perspective, it’s easy to see how all of us have the ability to seize an opportunity to display leadership abilities.  This leads me to my question for you…are you a leader?

It’s ok if the answer doesn’t immediately jump out at you.  But I believe it’s a question to spend some time thinking about.  After all, leadership does not equal being the boss.  It doesn’t mean someone gets their way and somebody else doesn’t.  In fact, leadership is about developing and communicating a joint vision and a plan to help you and others to achieve that vision.  Leadership is not a position and carries with it no legitimate authority.  One of the greatest foils of being a leader is selfishness.

With that understanding, I have no issue with saying that I’m a leader of my family.  And in turn, so is my spouse.  We learn from each other every day.  One of my jobs as a father is to take a vision and influence my daughter to see the same things I see.  And one day, to lead her to embrace the confidence to build and communicate her own vision.

So I ask you again…are you a leader?  If your answer is yes, what does that mean to you?  If you’re unsure, what are your thoughts about leadership means?  Share your thoughts by leaving a comment.  I want to hear from you.  As always, thank you for those that have taken the time to follow along and subscribe to The Curated Man.

I’m Not Going To Be That Dad – 4 Ways To Not Become The Overbearing Dad

Sometimes, when I reflect on what it means to be a father to a soon to be teenage daughter, the weight of that responsibility can seem a bit overwhelming.  There’s an internal struggle between a primal desire to protect her and a hopeful desire to see her blossom into the young woman I know she can be.  There is that constant tug and pull between protecting her from the world that can hurt her and allowing her to learn from her mistakes in order to thrive in that same world.  In the end, I strive to not become the overbearing dad while still providing her with as safe as an environment as is reasonable, to allow her to mess up and learn things for herself.  For me, it’s much easier in theory than it is in practice.

When the rubber meets the road, how does a man do this?  Here are four things that can help find that balance, hopefully alleviating some of that weight on our shoulders.

  • Be a good listener – There are going to be things your daughter isn’t going to talk to you about.  This goes for any parent, not just dads.  There are going to be subjects that you will be outright terrified to discuss with your little girl.  You’re a dad, you have to move past that.  While there are things you’re daughter will decide are off limits with you, it’s important to let her know that there is nothing off limits with you.  And you have to back that up with your actions and reinforce that message early and often.  Establishing that you’re there for anything, you’ll be surprised at what she will share with you!  And knowing what is happening in your daughter’s life is one of the fundamental elements to know when you might need to step in and keep her safe.

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Dad and his “little” girl

  • Accept her heart will be broken – Dad, the great protector.  I would run through a brick wall to protect my daughter’s emotional well being.  But, we can’t protect her from everything.  Trust me, your daughter will have her heart broken.  Whether it be a romantic interest, the ending of a friendship or some other disillusionment with life, people will hurt your kiddo.  But beware, this is a major opportunity to become the overbearing parent.  We have to accept that not only can we not prevent heartache, it is also vital for her to learn how to navigate the hurt.
  • Love – This is a verb.  Show her how a good man treats the people in his life.  If you’re married to her mother, model the behavior necessary for healthy relationships.  Your daughter is looking to you for examples and one day she will choose a partner in life, based on the expectations you have set. If you are no longer in a relationship with her mother, make sure your daughter knows you hold her in high esteem.  This can be hard but again, you’re teaching her that this is how a future partner behaves.  Teaching her how to break up with someone and move on from a relationship is just as important as demonstrating how to treat someone in a healthy one.
  • Protect when you must – At the end of the day, you’re still her parent.  You have lived through most of what she is going to experience.  When a truly dangerous or unhealthy situation presents itself (remember you’re going to convince her to talk to you about anything!),  you have to step in and keep her safe.  This is one of several reasons why you’re not going to be popular at times with her.  This is ok.  When she does make mistakes, and she will make them, remember the goal is to teach her better decision-making skills in the future so she can one day keep herself safe.  It’s ok to be disappointed and express that.  But it will be counterproductive to condemn her for making mistakes.

Dads, I would love to hear about your own experiences.  How have you managed to strike the balance between protecting and letting go?  I want to hear from you!

Curated Products – Travellers Collective

One of the motivations I had in starting The Curated Man was to share with you my experiences with a few of the material things I’ve come across that I have deemed worthy to recommend to you.  Men, these are all products I’ve used and I recommend for your use.  Women, these are things the men in your life will hopefully appreciate as much as I have.  There’s nothing in it for me, no monetary reward on the line.  Just things I have enjoyed.  Let’s start with something simple, Traveller Collective Keychains.

The accessories we carry speak to other people.  Don’t mistake this premise as being that expensive, material items define who you are as a person.  But how and what we present to people does make a difference.  It is a reflection, of sorts.  Do you want to be taken seriously?  Well, put thought and effort into how to present yourself to others.  You need not spend a lot of money to distinguish yourself, though there are some items that warrant a good investment in quality and craftsmanship.  One simple statement you can make is by what you choose to carry your keys on.  That free rubber keychain from the Pizza Palace doesn’t do you any favors when you’re trying to be taken seriously.

Travellers Collective keychains are a simple, well-crafted keychain that tells the people around you that you’re no longer a kid.  Beyond just a leather key chain, the idea is that you collect small, engraved rings for the keychain, each documenting the places where you have traveled.  It’s a masculine accessory that evolves as you go places.  If you like to travel, this product is right up your alley.  No longer will you feel compelled to buy travel souvenirs that will sit and simply collect dust.  These are mementos that you carry with you anywhere you may go. It’s a way to express who you are and do so in a distinguished way.

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My Travellers Collective keychain, given to me by Shani a few years ago.

Beyond the masculine and dignified design, Travellers Collective keychains are affordable.  Handcrafted leather keychains are $22.50 and come in a variety of colors.  The engraved rings start at $4.25 and run to $13.75, depending on how customized you want each one.

This is a keychain to be proud of.  If you love to travel and you’re ready for a distinguished piece to add to your everyday carry, or if you’re in search of a unique gift for the man in your life, you can’t miss with Travellers Collective!

What Makes A Man A Man?- Separating Myths Of Masculinity From Societal Responsibilities

What makes a man a man?  Wow, is that a loaded question.  It’s a question I’ve been exploring for many years now.  In that search, I’ve come to a few basic conclusions.

  • Gender is a human-made social construct, different than the sexual classification of human beings based on the reproductive organs they are born with.  In essence, gender and all of its verbiage (eg. man or woman) are fluid and largely self-prescribed, influenced heavily by social stereotypical classifications. Whether you were born with male or female (or both) reproductive organs are a static classification.
  • Because gender is based on societal definitions and society changes, there is no definitive set of criteria to answer the question of what makes a man a man.  At best, we have grossly ambiguous and unwieldy ideas of what makes a man a man and a woman a woman.
  • Human beings who lean towards more definitive, concrete thought processes often will struggle with the ambiguity associated with some societal constructs like gender.
  • I’ve discovered that the essence of being a man is not exclusive to being masculine.  It is universal and applies across all humankind.

Perhaps this would be a good time to point out that I am not an expert anything relevant to the world.  These are my conclusions and I own them.  I also own that I have been wrong about a lot of things in life.  Facts have been known to change my mind, and I’m certainly not done learning in this life.  These are my observations and you’re more than welcome to disagree with them.  You’re more than welcome to help me learn and keep me on my toes.

With that admonition, let me expand just a bit on my bulleted observations above.  I identify as a man.  I am a male.  I am confident that there are both biological and societal influences that factor in my self-identification as a man.  Others classify me as a man as well, as I have presented myself this way in the world.

Though I am a man, I don’t like or embrace everything society has prescribed as masculine stereotypes.  While I love sports and barbequing meat, you won’t catch me working on a car or framing a new addition to my house.  I have the physical finesse of a giant lumberjack, relying on brute force as a means to an end, yet I thoroughly enjoy the theater. All of these attributes are integral to what makes me uniquely me, yet they have a loose relationship with my identification as a man.  Just because I enjoy the scent of fine leather, the warmth of dark mahogany woods and other masculine accouterments doesn’t make me a man.  In fact, all of the attributes I’ve described could just as easily be shared by a 10-year-old boy or girl.

All of this has led me to the conclusion that what makes a man a man (or a woman a woman) has far more to do with maturity and fulfilling social responsibilities than it does with the identification with masculine attributes.  To be a man (or a woman), one must be accountable to each other and must strive for alignment between their words and their actions.  They must care for the people in their lives and be good stewards of the world around them.  These attributes are neither masculine nor feminine.  They are merely human.

I am not ashamed of my masculinity.  In fact, I embrace it.  I’m comfortable with it, even if I don’t embrace all of the attributes generally classified as masculine.  I also appreciate my traits that society has classified as feminine in nature.  My ability to be a nurturer or to enjoy a classic Jane Austen novel is not in conflict with my identity as a man.  It is a compliment to it.  I’ll write about masculinity as the dark side that can accompany some of those attributes.  But these attributes have little to do with me being a man.

These are my observations as I enjoy my 47th trip around this sun.  As I continue to evolve and learn, I can predict that my observations in the future will also evolve.  That is what learning is of course.  Maybe with your help, we can learn together.  Maybe some of these words will resonate with you.  Maybe grand and important dialogue will come as a result of this exploration together.

 

Why Read? – The Real Benefits Of Being An Adult Reader

I have had the opportunity to travel, through both time and geography.  Now that I have your attention with my proclamation of time travel, let me explain.  I have mushed my way through the Yukon during the Klondike gold rush.  I have stood side by side with America’s greatest generation in the bitter cold of Bastogne during World War II.  I have danced my way through balls in 18th century Bath, England.  I’ve snaked my way through the underworld, traversing the River Styx, winding through circle after circle of torment.  And those examples are just scratching the surface of the remarkable adventures I’ve been on.  If you haven’t figured it out by now (if you haven’t, please read this all the way to completion…you need to read more), I am referring to the joys of reading.

I still remember the first real book I read cover to cover as an 11-year-old boy.  It was a biography of Sandy Koufax, the Hall of Fame left-handed pitcher for the Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers.  I was mesmerized and I’m pretty sure I finished the book in less than 48 hours.  From that point on, I have been a sucker for a great non-fiction book!  It was soon followed by an account of the World War II Battle of Midway and an autobiography of legendary Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers.  I’ve never looked back.

In a world dominated by technological distractions, appreciating the importance of reading is easily lost.  For a time, I even lost it.  It’s easy to get caught up in life, being done with school and dazzled by screens.  In fact, I pretty much discounted reading fiction all together (why get caught up in make-believe when there were real life things to learn.  Short-sighted, I know).  When I made the decision to no longer live life on auto-pilot, the importance that reading held in taking control of my own curation and living life on purpose soon became all too apparent.  I even set forth to embrace works of fiction, some to read again and some that I never appreciated as a younger lad.

The benefits of continuing to read as adults are well established, yet about 28% of adults have not picked up a book in the last year.  Let’s look at some tangible benefits of being an adult reader!

  1. It can put you in a growth mindset.  Exposing yourself to new ideas and new information is a great way to maintain your curiosity and continue down a life long path of learning.
  2. Reading can relax you faster than other stress-busting activities, including listening to music or taking a walk.  According to a 2009 study from the University of Essex, participants were able to reduce stress just 6 minutes after picking up a book.
  3. It slows down memory decline.  Your brain needs exercise.  Reading is an active process, unlike the passive act of watching something on a screen.  It is an important part of keeping your mind active as you grow older.
  4. It can help you sleep better.  Exchanging the blue light of computers, phones, and television for the pages of a good book read under a dim yellow light can eliminate the harm that blue light plays in disrupting healthy sleep patterns.
  5. Want to be a leader? Read!  There’s a 100% chance that the people you are leading or want to lead are not exactly like you.  They are of different generations, differing education levels, and varied world views.  To lead, you have to know what those differences mean.  To know what they mean, you have to increase your own knowledge base.  The larger your vocabulary, the more likely you are to choose the right words to motivate those who follow you.  The better you understand the world, the better you will understand the people in it.
  6. It helps you be more empathetic.  This especially applies to the reading of classic works of literature, as opposed to reading non-fiction or popular fiction. Researchers in the Netherlands have found a connection with the emotional investment in a work of literature to an increase in one’s ability to feel empathy.

When I think of my own “curation” as a man, I cannot escape the role that reading has played in that process.  I can offer a personal testimonial to all of the six points listed above.  If you are a reader, know that you’re doing great things for yourself.  If you are part of the 28% who haven’t read a book over the past year, I challenge you to give it a try.  If you’re a man and you aren’t convinced that including reading into your masculine routine is worth it (after all, if you’re reading, you’re not watching sports), know that there is plenty of material out there that is sure to be interesting to even you.  Of course, if you’re a man and reading this, I doubt that would be an issue in the first place.

How has reading impacted you as an adult?  Are there special books that have left an indelible impact on who you are?  Has a book been able to immerse you in the world and lives of those written about?  Share your stories below by commenting on this post!