Tag: Happiness

Thoughts on Success

Are you successful? It’s a loaded question, isn’t it? How do you define success? Dictionary.com offers multiple definitions. It is, “the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.” It’s also defined as, “the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.” One is intrinsically personal, based on an individual’s endeavors. The other is contingent on a societal status, as viewed by others. Both are valid definitions. But do they carry equal weight, when your story is told? The answer to that question is likely driven by what you value.

Hopefully, one day, people you have known will gather around and reflect on your life. You won’t be there in physical form, but make no mistake that you’ll be there. People will look back upon your works, and they will evaluate you. Were you successful? I know this because I’ve attended many gatherings of this nature. When we die, how will we be remembered? I’ve been to memorial services and funerals where the reflection of others centered on the latter definition of success. I’ve been to services where the nicest thing said about the departed was that they were successful at work. They met the second definition of success, but nothing was offered up to demonstrate their success by the first definition listed above.

I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I’m not saying that the second definition of success, which I refer to as status success, is bad. I’ve attained a small portion of it myself. I’m not ashamed of it, but when I leave this world, it’s not how I want to be measured. It will only be one of my endeavors in life. It does not speak of what I did to obtain that status. I can also say that when I measure my own success, I have derived little or no joy from accomplishments directly related to status success. If any happiness has been found in those efforts, it has been fleeting. For me, status success is more a means to achieve a broader meaning of success.

When it’s time for the people who know me to come together to remember and measure me, I hope no time is spent talking about my career or the material success I may have encountered along the way. Did I treat people well? Did I try to be a better human being each day? Was I aware of my shortcomings? Did I use my voice in the furtherance of others? Was I a helper? Did I love and was I loved in return? When I feel like I’ve accomplished any of those goals at the end of any given day, that is when I feel the most happiness. If you gather around in my memory, that is the yardstick I would want you to use to determine if I was successful, or not.

Cheese Puffs, Fire and En Vino Veritas

It’s Saturday night, the first day of February 2020.  We live in Phoenix, Arizona; smack dab in the middle of the Sonoran Desert.  While the rest of North America is shut in their homes, huddled around a fireplace and sheltering from the cold of a typical American winter, we saw a high temperature of 74 degrees Fahrenheit.  While the sun is engaged in a never-ending game of hide-and-go-seek with most of the country, she is our constant companion, bathing us in a warmth that becomes the seasonal envy of millions of people.  Torture, I know.

After the sunset this evening, which was a brilliant show of oranges, purples, and reds painted across the horizon, I suggested to my wife that we open a bottle of wine.  To this, she readily agreed.  I then made my way into the desert oasis that is our back yard, started a fire in our fire pit and sat down under the moonlight.  All of this, with the hopes that my wife would soon follow me and we would enjoy a semi-romantic suburban night as we enjoy the best of what the vine has to offer. Things didn’t transpire as I planned, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

As I endeavored into my first glass of wine, I heard my daughter come downstairs and begin a conversation with my wife.  This, in and of itself, was a scenario that has become more and more infrequent, as our daughter refuses to stop growing up and has entered her teenage years.  Straight away, it was apparent that my wife and daughter had taken advantage of some peculiar alignment of the stars.  They were laughing and conspired to spend an evening of ill-advised dinner choices and a new Netflix release.  As I sat alone with my thoughts outside, they were eating cheese puffs and giggling like they were sisters, not parent and child.

As I sat outside alone, watching the flames of my fire lapping at the mild desert night air, I realized that I was right where I needed to be, and my wife was exactly where she needed to be.  While I sat alone by the fire, I was the furthest from being lonely that I could be.  As much as I relish my opportunities to be a couple with my spouse, tonight was a night that I needed to remain on the periphery.  No dad or husband contributions were required this evening, other than recognizing the magic that was happening inside the house.  Yes, I sat alone, but every giggle and statement of nonsense inside the house filled me with a contentment that I seem to be constantly in search of.

As I finish my second glass of wine tonight, relocated from the fire to my study, I set to capture the magic of this evening in this prose.  Though the evening hasn’t taken the direction I originally had chartered, it has none the less drawn me closer to my wife.  I realize that there are times, where the best I can contribute to our family dynamic is to step back and watch the magic develop around me.  I am thankful for this night and for the desert oasis that lives inside my own home.

473,040,000 Seconds

473,040,000 seconds. I didn’t know fully what to expect that Summer day when you smiled at me. How could either of us appreciate the journey we were about to embark upon? Our plan was to simply have some fun in life, something we both needed as surely as we needed air to breathe. No, I didn’t know what to expect or what I was getting myself into. It scared me as much as it thrilled me.

Since that moment, I have watched us grow into full-fledged adults. We have laughed and we have done the hard things, neither of us naive enough to believe there aren’t more hard things to endure. The seconds that will follow still scare me as much as they thrill me.

378,432,000 of those seconds have been shared with you, in the grandest experiment to be imagined…parenthood. Part science project and part creation of art, the laughs have outnumbered the tears to this point. Somehow, we have managed to not screw the whole thing up, all the while growing closer to each other.

Neither of us were looking for these sublime seconds that we’ve shared since that Monday in June. Somewhere along the way, quietly and earnestly we decided to keep pulling in the same direction. And pull we have. A strange paradox has been created, where I can remember every one of those 473,040,000 seconds since you smiled at me, though it is difficult for me to imagine a second before, without you.

However we measure our time together, I’m thankful I get to measure it with you.

Life’s Number One, Guaranteed Life Hack -The Real “Secret” to Life

I want to let you in on something.  I have spent the greater part of my life in search of the ultimate life hacks.  I was in search of every possible drill down and shortcut available to give me an edge in achieving success and happiness.  After all, the media today pumps us full of articles like “The Ultimate Guide to Being Happy” and “How To Appear 6’4″ When You’re Only 5’9” (the latter I’ve read over and over again).  Promises to provide us with foolproof tips and tricks, as if someone was guarding these secret ideas until that very moment to share with us, if only we invest a few minutes to read their article.  It turns out, there is a secret life hack.  And I’m going to share that with you right now!

The secret is that there are no secrets.

That is right my friends, there are no secrets out there.  In life, there are no hacks and no shortcuts.  The knowledge needed to become the person you want to be is here for the taking.  It is not held under lock and key or stingily protected in secret by happy and successful people.  Everything we need is there if only we are honest and humble enough to accept that there are no hacks or shortcuts in our desire to figure life out.

It turns out, what we’ve been looking for has been hiding right under our noses the entire time.  With all the complexity that accompanies navigating today’s hectic world, we have become conditioned to believe that the “secrets” we seek must be equally complex.  And while there are certainly complex problems in today’s world that require equally complex thinking, there are certain fundamental truths about the human experience that have remained relatively unchanged throughout annals of history.  We have even assigned a specific word in the English language for these fundamental truths.  They are called maxims.

You surely have heard many maxims and likely don’t think much about their proverbial meaning.  For instance, there’s the one about the precocious avian creature who acquires the terrestrial annelid.  We better know it as the early bird gets the worm.  Of course, it’s not to be taken literally, unless perhaps your job is to hunt earthworms.  But the truth behind the principle is unwavering.  Most things worth achieving require a lot of hard work.  You reap what you sow.  You get what you give in life.  You want to be loved, you first must love others.  Want people to treat you with kindness? Treat others with kindness.  Simple principles for a complex world.  The secret is that there are no secrets.

It can’t be this easy, can it?  No, it’s not that easy. The simple acceptance of this premise alone is difficult for many of us. But embracing these fundamental truths is one of the cornerstones in building a foundation for achieving what you strive for.  It is merely the beginning chapter in curating a life.  And of course, not everyone’s curated life looks the same. Yet, the fundamental truths remain for all of us.  They are there for the taking.

I want to hear from you.  What are the maxims that you have embraced in your quest to be the best you?  Share your ideas by leaving a comment below!