Why Read? – The Real Benefits Of Being An Adult Reader

I have had the opportunity to travel, through both time and geography.  Now that I have your attention with my proclamation of time travel, let me explain.  I have mushed my way through the Yukon during the Klondike gold rush.  I have stood side by side with America’s greatest generation in the bitter cold of Bastogne during World War II.  I have danced my way through balls in 18th century Bath, England.  I’ve snaked my way through the underworld, traversing the River Styx, winding through circle after circle of torment.  And those examples are just scratching the surface of the remarkable adventures I’ve been on.  If you haven’t figured it out by now (if you haven’t, please read this all the way to completion…you need to read more), I am referring to the joys of reading.

I still remember the first real book I read cover to cover as an 11-year-old boy.  It was a biography of Sandy Koufax, the Hall of Fame left-handed pitcher for the Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers.  I was mesmerized and I’m pretty sure I finished the book in less than 48 hours.  From that point on, I have been a sucker for a great non-fiction book!  It was soon followed by an account of the World War II Battle of Midway and an autobiography of legendary Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers.  I’ve never looked back.

In a world dominated by technological distractions, appreciating the importance of reading is easily lost.  For a time, I even lost it.  It’s easy to get caught up in life, being done with school and dazzled by screens.  In fact, I pretty much discounted reading fiction all together (why get caught up in make-believe when there were real life things to learn.  Short-sighted, I know).  When I made the decision to no longer live life on auto-pilot, the importance that reading held in taking control of my own curation and living life on purpose soon became all too apparent.  I even set forth to embrace works of fiction, some to read again and some that I never appreciated as a younger lad.

The benefits of continuing to read as adults are well established, yet about 28% of adults have not picked up a book in the last year.  Let’s look at some tangible benefits of being an adult reader!

  1. It can put you in a growth mindset.  Exposing yourself to new ideas and new information is a great way to maintain your curiosity and continue down a life long path of learning.
  2. Reading can relax you faster than other stress-busting activities, including listening to music or taking a walk.  According to a 2009 study from the University of Essex, participants were able to reduce stress just 6 minutes after picking up a book.
  3. It slows down memory decline.  Your brain needs exercise.  Reading is an active process, unlike the passive act of watching something on a screen.  It is an important part of keeping your mind active as you grow older.
  4. It can help you sleep better.  Exchanging the blue light of computers, phones, and television for the pages of a good book read under a dim yellow light can eliminate the harm that blue light plays in disrupting healthy sleep patterns.
  5. Want to be a leader? Read!  There’s a 100% chance that the people you are leading or want to lead are not exactly like you.  They are of different generations, differing education levels, and varied world views.  To lead, you have to know what those differences mean.  To know what they mean, you have to increase your own knowledge base.  The larger your vocabulary, the more likely you are to choose the right words to motivate those who follow you.  The better you understand the world, the better you will understand the people in it.
  6. It helps you be more empathetic.  This especially applies to the reading of classic works of literature, as opposed to reading non-fiction or popular fiction. Researchers in the Netherlands have found a connection with the emotional investment in a work of literature to an increase in one’s ability to feel empathy.

When I think of my own “curation” as a man, I cannot escape the role that reading has played in that process.  I can offer a personal testimonial to all of the six points listed above.  If you are a reader, know that you’re doing great things for yourself.  If you are part of the 28% who haven’t read a book over the past year, I challenge you to give it a try.  If you’re a man and you aren’t convinced that including reading into your masculine routine is worth it (after all, if you’re reading, you’re not watching sports), know that there is plenty of material out there that is sure to be interesting to even you.  Of course, if you’re a man and reading this, I doubt that would be an issue in the first place.

How has reading impacted you as an adult?  Are there special books that have left an indelible impact on who you are?  Has a book been able to immerse you in the world and lives of those written about?  Share your stories below by commenting on this post!

 

 

You’ve Changed! – Embracing Growth

Have you ever had someone tell you, “You have changed?”  Someone who tells you that you’re just not the same person you used to be.  My typical first reaction to such accusations has been to vehemently deny, often offering a counter accusation.  I haven’t changed, you are the one who has changed!  The reality is that it usually, it’s a far more difficult reality.  Usually, both people are right.

The reality for me is that I have changed.  I am not the same 18-year-old kid that tried to convince my mother that I was going to take a year off before starting college.  I am not the same 21-year-old who decided to leave college in my Junior year to start my first career.  I am not the same 20 something that tied my entire identity to that career.  I’m not the same young man that mailed it in through too many broken relationships.

Oh, I have certainly changed.  I changed when I realized that my career didn’t define me.  I changed when I realized that finishing what I started really was important.  I changed when I learned that not aligning my actions with my words carried real consequences.  I changed when I became directly responsible for protecting, teaching and caring for a brand new human being.

All the while I am, in many ways, still the goofy kid I used to be.  At my core, I’m still kind, compassionate and thoughtful.  I have never stopped being curious.  I have never stopped learning and growing.

Grappling with this paradox often presents great challenges.  We outgrow relationships with others.  What we once did for fun we stop doing, replaced by other priorities and desires.  We grow up and we mature.  We learn and we define ourselves, busting out of molds made for us by others.  If we do it right, we embrace where we want to go, while never forgetting where we have been.

There few constants in this world.  We live.  We die.  We change.  Never run away from change.  It remains the only vehicle for us to grow up.

42 – Lessons in Leadership

If you haven’t noticed, I am a huge baseball fan.  On Sundays, when my friends would head to church, I went to the back yard and would throw tennis balls against the house, just to practice fielding ground balls.  It was an unbreakable connection I shared with my father.  It is part of my own personal heritage; our country’s heritage.

One of the reasons I love baseball so much is that it carries with it a certain level of class and sportsmanship, missing from many other organized sports.  Yes, there are a few rogue players who are generally not nice guys, but as a whole, they carry themselves well.  Nobody epitomized this demonstration of class better than the man that baseball recognizes today.

On this day in 1947, Jackie Robinson became the first African-American to play Major League Baseball, a barrier few in my generation could ever fathom.  The challenges he overcame were enormous.  Hated by many, including his own teammates at times, he met each challenge in front of him and conquered them all.  He overcame them not just completely, but with class and grace.  He wasn’t just a ballplayer, he was a leader on and off the field.

Number 42 will never be worn again by a Major League Baseball player, except for this day each year when all players will wear the number 42 on their jerseys.  There are lessons to be learned all around us in life.  The next time someone tells you that sports are not important to society, know that they are not looking hard enough.  Life lessons connect with people in a multitude of ways, including through the game labeled America’s Pastime.  Thank you Jackie!

 

Ode to the Sonoran Seasons

It’s now the middle of April in Phoenix, Arizona.  Born in a Phoenix suburb, with the exception of a seven-year respite in the cool pines of Northern Arizona, I’ve spent my entire life in the Sonoran Desert.  While living in Phoenix has its perks (I haven’t shoveled snow for nearly 30 years), we like to aggressively complain about the grueling Summer we experience in the Valley of the Sun.  I wrote the following, Ode to the Sonoran Seasons, last year and shared it on my Facebook feed. I feel it worthy of revision and introducing it to those that didn’t see it the first time around!

Ode to the Sonoran Seasons

It is April in the Sonoran Desert. Here, seasons don’t follow the typical Hallmark Channel depiction of traditional Northern Hemisphere quarterly orientation towards the sun. No, four rational progressions through the meteorological seasons are far too simplistic for those who dwell in the desert.  What follows is a more accurate description of our Sonoran hope and madness (Thank you, Roger Clyne).   

April through May: Pre-Hell

Our few weeks of what would constitute Summer somewhere else in the United States are finished and we usher in Pre-Hell. Pre-Hell will take us through Memorial Day.  Temperatures hover in the 90s, occasionally flirting with triple digits.  Your backyard swimming pool begins to look very tempting.  You falsely believe that the water is warm enough to jump in and enjoy a respite from the heat.  But no, the water is ice cold.  All at once you’re reminded of what is to come in the form of searing heat while the chlorinated water reminds you that two weeks ago, low temperatures were still in the 40s.  We know the next season, Hell, is laughing mercilessly at us, knowing nothing we do will stop the ever nearing oven. 

June through Mid-July: Hell

Theoretically, life should not exist when highs reach 118 degrees.  Defying all odds, we persist.  Hell is a six to eight week period when the rest of the nation experiences Summer. Common experiences include your shoes adhering to asphalt, 2nd degree burns on the palms of your hands…1st degree burns everywhere else, and the slow agony of a modified grieving process (denial, bargaining, depression, anger, anger, anger, fury, loss of total feeling, hallucinations and total combustion).  Some will wear the experience as a badge of courage (sick people) while others vow to never go through such experience again just to stay around to complain about it, year after year (stupid people, much like myself).  Sometime after the July 4th Independence Day celebrations, strange events begin occurring in the atmosphere.  Towering banks of clouds being to slowly become visible over the Superstition Mountains in the afternoons and the familiar yet all too out of place smell of rain can almost be detected.  A sign of relief perhaps?  No, our desert mistress is merely playing with our naive dispositions.  The reality is a much crueler affair.

Mid-July through Mid-September: Ha Ha, You Thought Hell Was Almost Over

This season is marked by the temporary nirvana of the cool relief of a Monsoon shower, followed by 10 straight days of Hell with the addition of humidity.   If you’re fortunate to have a backyard swimming pool, you’re saddened to know that all the benefits of the said pool are negated by the fact that the water is now like a warm bath on a horrid and humid August day.  We are encouraged though.  Society reminds us that the kids will return to school and soon will be planning their Halloween costumes.  What others experience as Fall is on the way.  Or is it?

Mid-September through October: I Give Up

The promise of college football and post-season baseball lose their luster quickly.  While the rest of the country is experiencing beautiful Autumn days picking apples and enjoying brisk October nights, our struggle continues.  You know relief is on the way, but you also realize that you’ll be trick or treating in shorts and flip flops.

November: Pre-Fall

November will usher in Pre-Fall.  Pre-Fall is our first glimpse at true weather relief.  The high temperatures fall back into the 70s and 80s and you can almost get excited for the upcoming holidays.  We hit the sweet spot with weather that others would generally call Summer. You look outside and you can almost imagine what others around the nation see when they look out their own windows; leaves changing colors.  Of course, that doesn’t really happen in the Sonoran Desert.  We don’t have too many deciduous trees (if only we could harness their intelligence and decide not to live here!).  The following seasons are brief if they appear at all and are more loosely structured.  Half of Canada has now moved to Phoenix, escaping the snow.

Novemberish: Fall

We eat turkey. It’s a 50/50 chance the air conditioning will be on in the house.

December through January: What Might Be Interpreted as Winter

Somewhere between December and January, if we’re lucky, we will experience 3 days of Winter.  I mean, it’s a mild Winter.  Like, I’ve seen ice before.  Once. Fortunately, this “harsh” cold rarely sticks around long.  It may even make a second appearance and we’ll throw some wood in the fireplace.

February through March: Spring

To be clear, we mainly know it’s Spring because Major League Baseball and a slew of Midwestern permafrosted visitors begin to mingle with the Canadians, to watch the Boys of Summer brush off the rust.  It truly is a magical time.  Having quickly forgotten the terrible experience we just went through, we begin to brag to everyone about how lovely the weather is.

The whole experience is surreal.  In April we start again, the dreadful anticipation of what is to come.  Yet we stay, unfortunate prisoners to the desert beauty.  All the while, swearing that this will be the last Summer we are going to put up with.

Life’s Number One, Guaranteed Life Hack -The Real “Secret” to Life

I want to let you in on something.  I have spent the greater part of my life in search of the ultimate life hacks.  I was in search of every possible drill down and shortcut available to give me an edge in achieving success and happiness.  After all, the media today pumps us full of articles like “The Ultimate Guide to Being Happy” and “How To Appear 6’4″ When You’re Only 5’9” (the latter I’ve read over and over again).  Promises to provide us with foolproof tips and tricks, as if someone was guarding these secret ideas until that very moment to share with us, if only we invest a few minutes to read their article.  It turns out, there is a secret life hack.  And I’m going to share that with you right now!

The secret is that there are no secrets.

That is right my friends, there are no secrets out there.  In life, there are no hacks and no shortcuts.  The knowledge needed to become the person you want to be is here for the taking.  It is not held under lock and key or stingily protected in secret by happy and successful people.  Everything we need is there if only we are honest and humble enough to accept that there are no hacks or shortcuts in our desire to figure life out.

It turns out, what we’ve been looking for has been hiding right under our noses the entire time.  With all the complexity that accompanies navigating today’s hectic world, we have become conditioned to believe that the “secrets” we seek must be equally complex.  And while there are certainly complex problems in today’s world that require equally complex thinking, there are certain fundamental truths about the human experience that have remained relatively unchanged throughout annals of history.  We have even assigned a specific word in the English language for these fundamental truths.  They are called maxims.

You surely have heard many maxims and likely don’t think much about their proverbial meaning.  For instance, there’s the one about the precocious avian creature who acquires the terrestrial annelid.  We better know it as the early bird gets the worm.  Of course, it’s not to be taken literally, unless perhaps your job is to hunt earthworms.  But the truth behind the principle is unwavering.  Most things worth achieving require a lot of hard work.  You reap what you sow.  You get what you give in life.  You want to be loved, you first must love others.  Want people to treat you with kindness? Treat others with kindness.  Simple principles for a complex world.  The secret is that there are no secrets.

It can’t be this easy, can it?  No, it’s not that easy. The simple acceptance of this premise alone is difficult for many of us. But embracing these fundamental truths is one of the cornerstones in building a foundation for achieving what you strive for.  It is merely the beginning chapter in curating a life.  And of course, not everyone’s curated life looks the same. Yet, the fundamental truths remain for all of us.  They are there for the taking.

I want to hear from you.  What are the maxims that you have embraced in your quest to be the best you?  Share your ideas by leaving a comment below!

 

 

You’re Wearing That? – How Little Acts of Service and Gratitude Promote Healthy Marriages

When you take a moment to think about how difficult it is for two human beings to live harmoniously with each other, it’s remarkable that all marriages do not end in divorce.  Occasionally, I remember exactly how much Shani loves me.  Seriously, she has to really love me to be able to take all of my quirks, peculiarities, and faults in an effortless stride.

Of course, the factors that make a successful marriage are innumerable.  What a successful marriage looks like will even vary from couple to couple.  And of course, the upkeep of a marriage takes the commitment of two people. All of these factors certainly cannot be explored in a 600-word blog post.   I will also never claim to be an expert in keeping a successful marriage.  In fact, the only thing I come close to being an expert in is napping.

What I am is a guy who tries hard to be a good husband.  I’ve somehow managed to stumble my way through mistakes and challenges with an amazing woman, to string together a decade-plus relationship, earning the privilege to keep trying to do it better tomorrow.  What I’ll share is some of those lessons I’ve learned along the way;  my observations. What I do to be a better partner with my spouse.

This week I was reminded of one of those lessons I’ve learned.  I was reminded of how much Shani loves me.  You might expect that there was some grand gesture made or maybe an expensive gift was given.  You would be wrong.  It was a small gesture, one that could easily go overlooked.  I had left a load of laundry in the dryer overnight.  This load contained almost every work appropriate shirt I owned.  The next morning, I retrieved a shirt from the dryer to wear to work.  Of course, it was well wrinkled from its overnight stay in the dryer.

I inspected the shirt.  Shani inspected the shirt.  I shrugged my shoulders and proclaimed it acceptable to wear that day.  Shani made it known that she disagreed with my assessment.  I was off to the shower. She was off to make her husband presentable to the public.  After my shower, I found the shirt freshly ironed.  She’ll tell you it was as much about maintaining her own professional image (we work for the same company) as it was in helping me maintain mine.  Regardless, it was an act of service that she didn’t need to perform.  It was an example of love being used as a verb.  And I was grateful.

This was the point where I applied one of those lessons I’ve learned about keeping our relationship healthy.  It wasn’t enough for me to recognize this little thing and feel gratitude, though that is definitely an important part of the equation.  The recognition and gratitude I felt wouldn’t mean much unless I carried out the final step in the process. I had to tell her.  It wasn’t enough to feel loved; she needed to know that I felt loved. Simple yes, but you would be surprised how many of us forget to complete this final measure.  It wasn’t hard.  All I had to do was tell her, “Thank you.”  I did that a couple of times that day.

Sometimes we can’t see the forest through the trees.  We start believing that the grand overtures are what keep our relationships afloat.  We forget that the little things are just as important, if not more so, as the flashy things.  It’s those little acts of service and the simple, genuine displays of appreciation that are the unsung heroes of our relationships.

Enough about me, what are your experiences with those little acts?  What have you learned along the way?  I welcome you to share your own stories by commenting below!

Who Are Your Others? – The Influential People in Our Lives

Do you have a person or people in your life that you draw inspiration from? Ones that leave their fingerprint on your very existence? I bet you do, even if you haven’t put a lot of thought into it. The obvious starting point for most of you would be your parents. I know my parents, besides contributing to the totality of my DNA and physiological dispositions, were the people who inspired me the most. But what about the others?

While there have been many in my life who have influenced the man I choose to be today, there are a few that hold a special place in the halls of the Museum of Rob. One such man was my Uncle Jim. The eldest of my mother’s siblings, it seemed like there was nothing Jim wasn’t able to do…and do it well at that. I know that no man is perfect, but as a child, I sure believed that he was (along with my father).

He had an incredible breadth of knowledge about the world. This was undoubtedly a result of his innate curiosity and dedication to being a life long learner. A Korean War veteran, a police officer, a world traveler, an accountant, a master cabinet maker, a writer…he could find common ground and carry on a respectable conversation with just about anyone he ever met. He was funny, interesting and he was a masterful storyteller. There are few people that I’ve met that I would describe as wise. He was wise.

My Uncle Jim continues to be an influence in my personal curation (except that you don’t want me doing your taxes or being anywhere near a circular saw), though he’s been gone for many years. I don’t believe I ever told him how much I looked up to him. I regret that today. If only I possessed the wisdom to know that I should have while I could still have a conversation with him.

I have a takeaway for you. Who are your others and if they’re still alive, have you told them how important they have been in your life? I encourage you to leave a comment about your others and challenge you to make sure they understand the influence they’ve had on you!

You Can’t Fire the Boss’s Kid – Using Humor to Help Keep Parenting In Perspective

Being a father is the most difficult endeavor I’ve yet to experience.  While it certainly is rewarding and I wouldn’t trade a moment for anything, it has equally provided me with the most frustrating moments of my life.  One of my most reliable coping mechanisms for that frustration, exhaustion and mental anguish involved in parenting is humor.  I’ve actually found it a valuable coping mechanism for many other of life’s challenges I’ve experienced.

For instance, a while back I searched for the humor in a frustrating moment in parenting.  Looking back, I can’t remember what my daughter had done to act as a catalyst for the mind musings.  It could have been one of the countless times that she totally neglected to take care of her household responsibilities.  It could have been the flooding of her bathroom floor to enable her to slip around like she was ice skating.  The calamities all run together at times. But I digress.

This particular attempt to diffuse the “Dad’s head is going to explode” episode with humor, I came to a realization that my day job’s work of managing a team of employees is noticeably similar to raising a child.  Here was my conclusion:

Raising a child is in essence like managing a semi-belligerant employee who is on a continuous performance improvement plan.  Except you can’t fire the employee, because they are the boss’s kid.  You are just stuck with them until they put in their 18 years and start drawing their college pension.

That’s all it took to diffuse whatever ill feeling I was experience at the time.  Some times, you just have to laugh.  Have you used humor in a similar way to help put things in perspective?  Tell me about your experiences!  Leave a comment below!

Who Is In Charge Here? – The Concept Behind The Curated Man

Merriam-Webster defines curator as “one who has the care and superintendence of something.”  Often, a curator is the title of one who oversees a collection, such as in a museum.  Many would argue that I belong in a museum; my body being the chief accuser. But, how does this contextually apply to this blog, The Curated Man?  Well, there has been one constant in my evolution as a human, a man.  There is one person who is ultimately responsible for the care and superintendence of me: me.

I chose the tile The Curated Man because…well, I’m a man.  The principle theory, of course, applies to all people, not just to men.  But, I am a man and my writing is filtered through a male lens.  I have no practical experience in being a woman and would never pretend to know what that experience is like; though I do try to think about the lenses others view life through.  Hence, The Curated Man was born.

I didn’t start life with the approach that I was curating myself.  In my teens, I struggled to focus on much past playing baseball, being in what could be loosely defined as a rock band and pretending to be cooler than I actually was.  In my twenties, I thought I had everything figured out, so why bother thinking of such profound concepts.  In my thirties, I realized I was wrong about nearly everything in my twenties and entered a brief period of self-pity and anger.  It wasn’t until I began my relationship with Shani and embarking on the parenting adventure, that I thought seriously about the concept of being the curator of myself and everything that it entails.

It would be too easy to say that meeting Shani caused a sudden and stark change in my acceptance of the gravity of the role I needed to play in my continued maturity.  It would be equally naive to say that the moment came when I became a father.  There are certainly correlations, but the connection to causation is sketchy.  No Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc arguments here. It was a process, one which I am still refining today.  Along the way, I’ve learned some simple yet sobering truths.  It has been equal parts pain and joy.  Most of all, it’s a journey which has just begun.

As I continue on this never-ending work, I invite you to join me.  Some days the words may be explorative and contemplative.  Other days may be light and riddled with humor and musings.  Maybe you’re on a similar journey.  Maybe you know someone else that is. Maybe you will share what you’ve learned through our own personal curation.  Maybe…just maybe, we’ll all get something out of the dialogue.  If you haven’t already, officially follow the blog.  If something resonates…hit like, share and tell me more about it.