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My Soundtrack Part V: Green and Dumb 2000 -2004

I debated whether the next four years (2000-2004) should have their own post or not. It was a small window of time and comparatively speaking, not as exciting as the previous five years. Yet, for reasons that will make themselves clear in posts to come, these years were distinctly different from the previous stages of my life and drastically different from what was to come starting in 2004. So, a separate post it is!

I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on…

Entering the 21st century, I was still hungry for new music. The 90s were great, but I was excited for what was yet to come. Most of the music I listened to at the onset of 2000s was from artists I had started following in the 90s. Matchbox Twenty released their second studio album, Mad Season, in 2000. I listened to that album until I had every lyric, chord progression, and backstory memorized. Remember, when I’m interested in something, I deep dive. While their second album was notably different from their debut record, I still connected with it.

There were a couple of new bands that fit the 90s mold that started showing up on my radar. Lifehouse, The Calling, and 3 Doors Down all burst onto the Alt-Rock scene about this time. Probably the most notable new band (at least new to us in the U.S.) that caught my attention was Coldplay. While I enjoyed all of their music, I noticed my tastes began to drift in different directions.

One thing I was never really a fan of, was the testosterone-laden sounds of what I like to refer to as Bro-Rock. What is Bro-Rock you may ask? I would say that Limp Bizkit was the flag bearer. I just never connected with it. In retrospect, I can see the reasons why it didn’t appeal to me. Part of it was likely due to my personality type. Being an intuitive introvert, I definitely appreciate songwriting with an introspective edge to it. I love to listen to thinkers. I had also matured a bit from my Hair Metal days. Life, it turns out, was not one big party. Thank you, Hair Metal! I want my money back.

‘Cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby…

What I did enjoy was the emergence of early 2000s Pop Punk. While I was never a big fan Blink 182, they opened up the airways to artists like Wheatus, Simple Plan, and The Used. Next to Matchbox Twenty and Counting Crows, I associate these bands with the early 2000s more than any others. It was definitely rock music and it was heavy on catchy melodies. While it lacked the introspection of my favorite songwriters, it was fun in a rebellious sort of way.

I also liked some of the heavier rock bands that sprouted up during this time. It would be the last time I curated hard rock bands into my life’s soundtrack. Bands like Disturbed and Breaking Benjamin were the most notable that I enjoyed. Soon after, bands like Trapt, Chevelle, and Shinedown joined that group. Again, while I enjoyed the tunes, these artists were not big on introspective songwriting. Another variable was at play here as well. These bands didn’t belong to Gen-X. This was the music of Millenials. While I appreciated the music in its time, I do not necessarily find myself going back to this genre of music today. That said, I wouldn’t necessarily change the radio dial when they came on.

So many castles to storm, so little time…

The early 2000s would also bring a broadening of my musical interests. Ok, perhaps it wasn’t a broadening as much as it was a reunion. The truth is, I’m not sure exactly how to classify it. The reason is due to the band primarily responsible for this broadening is hard to classify. In my most recent post, I wrote about The Refreshments. After their two albums in the 90s, the band had called it quits. The Gin Blossoms had also went on a hiatus in the late 90s. This left some out-of-work musicians on the Tempe Music scene, and they were not quite done making music. In 1998, the lead singer for The Refreshments, Roger Clyne, started playing acoustic sets at some of the local Tempe hotspots. Sitting in with him on these acoustic sets would be members from other local Tempe bands, like Dead Hot Workshop. With that seed, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers would come to fruition. Joining Roger were The Refreshments drummer P.H. Naffah, guitarist Scotty Johnson from the Gin Blossoms, and guitarist Steve Larson from Dead Hot Workshop. In 1999, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers put out their first independent album, Honky Tonk Union.

How to describe this new sound? Well, you could definitely see Roger’s fingerprints from The Refreshments. But this band went in a new direction all together, differing from the quirky rock offerings from the 90s. This was dangerously close to Country music. But to call it Country is not an entirely accurate categorization. Imagine Springsteen and Tom Petty sat down with Buck Owens and Steve Earle in the dusty, Mexican borderlands. Mix with copious amounts of tequila, and something unique, perhaps even magical, was born. Where the band really shined was in their high-energy, live performances. This band had fun making and performing music. Their rendition of Steve Earle’s I Feel Alright remains one of my favorites when I want to give the world the middle finger. Honky Tonk Union would join the short list of albums that I would want with me if I found myself deserted on an island, away from the rest of the world.

In 2002, the band released their second studio album, Sonoran Hope and Madness. The band evolved once more, moving away from the Bakersfield and Austin influences of Honky Tonk Union. If you want to learn a little more about what it is like living in the Sonoran Desert, this album will provide you with an artistic frame of reference. The songwriting was not solely focused on Arizona, but also on the special relationship we have with our cousins to the South. It serves as a reminder that the imaginary lines we draw on maps, do not define the people who straddle both worlds. In 2000, the band would head down Roger’s favorite destination, Rocky Point in Sonora, Mexico, and hold a concert in a dirt lot next to a local cantina. Deemed Circus Mexicus, the band still puts on this ever-growing festival each year, to celebrate life with fans from all over the country.

From the metal sounds of Disturbed to the weathered, soul-exposing offerings of Roger Clyne, perhaps no other period in my life saw such a diverse catalog of music. This period had also been one of the most challenging for me personally. Within the span of nine months in 2003 and 2004, I would find myself searching for a new career, dealing with the death of my Mom, and working through the catastrophic collapse of yet another relationship. I was at my lowest point; utterly directionless. What would come next would change my life forever. This time, however, what awaited wasn’t tragic or destructive. My maturation would get a kick in the pants and I would finally meet the first woman who seemed to really understand me.

Next Up: My Soundtrack Part VI: Accidentally In Love

Essential Reading – An Introduction

Today, I’m speaking to the men out there. I’m assuming that since you’re reading this, you have some interest in the whole concept of what it means to be a Curated Man. We are simply products of our experiences. When we talk about becoming the men we wish to be, the careful selection of those experiences plays a pivotal roll. Of course, I’m talking about the experiences we choose, not the ones which are thrust upon us.

I hope that other men have a desire to develop into well balanced people. While we all develop and bloom into our own special versions of human beings, a solid foundation is necessary for any of those versions to thrive. While building that foundation can be complex, I have found it important to compartmentalize the approach, to the extent to which it can be accomplished. Let’s call them pillars of the foundation.

Now that we’ve introduced the concept of the pillars, let’s begin our journey of exploring one of them. Reading. I mean, you’re doing it right now. The written word is responsible for the advanced species of animal that humans have become. And while reading has certainly been crowded out of the options available to us to fill the minutes of our day, the importance of doing so has not diminished.

Gentlemen, I’m not going to offer that you have to become book worms. I’m also not suggesting that reading alone can turn you into a well rounded human being. None the less, reading is important. Reading the right things of course is equally important. This brings me to the reason for this specific blog post. Curating the things we read.

Ultimately, choosing the right reading materials will be an intimately personal decision for any man to make. A lot of those decisions will be driven by what interests the individual and their current circumstances. Still, sometimes a road map is extremely helpful when you’re beginning a new journey.

So, I’ll be starting a new ongoing series called Essential Reading. I will be offering some recommendations on some places to start. Many of the books are ones that occupy permanent spots on my own bookshelves. All have made a mark on the man that I have become. Many will sound like obvious selections. Some may seem a little more non-traditional when we talk about curating the men we want to be. All will come with an explanation as to why they were important to me, hopefully providing value to you.

What are some of the most influential books you have enjoyed? I want to hear from you!

The Fuel of Hope

Sometimes the juices just don’t flow. I could list the numerous reasons why I haven’t written much this past year. It wouldn’t tell you anything important. The explanation can be reduced to this: I was interested in doing other things. I got out of the habit of putting words on the figurative paper and this year has not been overtly inspirational. I suppose there is only one tried and true way to cultivate inspiration for writing and that is to simply write more. The ideas and feelings will come. I’m going to try and do more of that moving forward.

It certainly has been a year we will not forget. With luck, we will one day tell our grandchildren of our tales, which will become as curious to future generations as the Spanish Flu was to ours. Life has a way of showing humans that in spite of the many amazing things we have accomplished, predicting the future remains marginally more accurate than flipping a coin. The further in time we go, the less precise we become in divining what will come next. That doesn’t mean we do not prepare for possible eventualities, for we know that sooner or later we will need a plan to meet the next challenge we face.

As we eagerly hold the door open for 2020 to show itself out, none of us can predict how we’ll evaluate 2021 next December. We can develop some pretty good ideas as to what is in store for us in the beginning of 2021. Much of the same. Though one thing history has taught us about predicting what comes next is that we will one day move past our current challenges and we will design our fortresses for the next predictably, unpredictable obstacle we must face.

So, we plan and we hope. We look for the answers and put faith in our ability to develop the next set of solutions. Perhaps it is your child that will be one of the minds that will conquer cancer. Maybe it’s my child who figures out how to convert the Sun’s energy into electricity in a manner so efficient that the world will never want for clean and renewable energy again. Maybe it’s our generation. Maybe it’s the next one. It only takes one mind to spark a revolution. It only takes one mind to develop the next life changing innovation. Our job is to keep striving to cultivate those minds and drive towards better. Hope if the fuel we need to keep pushing forward.

I hope in the next year, each of you will find that hope. In the face of whatever may come our way, I hope that you find the joy in life that will provide the fuel that the world needs. I hope you smile as much as you can and laugh as much as possible. Know that I will be working diligently to take my own advice. Happy New Year my friends.

Great Britain, Curiosity and Eating the Bacon

Hi everyone!  I just wanted to drop a quick note to let you know that The Curated Man is going to take a brief hiatus so that I can spend a couple of weeks traversing Great Britain with my family.  I don’t plan on doing any writing while we’re gone, as my focus will be enjoying the experience with the people I love most in the world.  My next post here is slated for June 21st, with a very special message for someone.  Until then stay curious, choose love, eat the bacon (or cupcake) and let the people closest to you know how much you love them.

Rob

Are You A Leader? – Your Answer May Surprise You!

From a young age, I have been fascinated by the concept of leadership.  What makes a good leader?  What have renowned leaders done to achieve such regard?  This curiosity pulled me into a lot of informal study of leadership, even if I didn’t recognize that was what I was doing at the time.  Biographies still remain my favorite genre of books, especially those profiling and studying leaders of significance.

This eventually led to the choice of study for my graduate degree, earning a Master of Administration degree with an emphasis in leadership.  I have been fortunate enough to be able to exercise those principles in my occupational journies throughout the years.  More significant though, was realizing that leadership at work was but the tip of the iceberg.  The reality is that my most significant leadership opportunities have existed outside of a conference room.

To some extent, we all exert influence over others in life.  If you needed to break down the meaning of leadership to one word, I would offer that precise definition:  Influence.  And while the principles of leadership are far more complex and nuanced, influence is a fundamental building block. When you look at it from that perspective, it’s easy to see how all of us have the ability to seize an opportunity to display leadership abilities.  This leads me to my question for you…are you a leader?

It’s ok if the answer doesn’t immediately jump out at you.  But I believe it’s a question to spend some time thinking about.  After all, leadership does not equal being the boss.  It doesn’t mean someone gets their way and somebody else doesn’t.  In fact, leadership is about developing and communicating a joint vision and a plan to help you and others to achieve that vision.  Leadership is not a position and carries with it no legitimate authority.  One of the greatest foils of being a leader is selfishness.

With that understanding, I have no issue with saying that I’m a leader of my family.  And in turn, so is my spouse.  We learn from each other every day.  One of my jobs as a father is to take a vision and influence my daughter to see the same things I see.  And one day, to lead her to embrace the confidence to build and communicate her own vision.

So I ask you again…are you a leader?  If your answer is yes, what does that mean to you?  If you’re unsure, what are your thoughts about leadership means?  Share your thoughts by leaving a comment.  I want to hear from you.  As always, thank you for those that have taken the time to follow along and subscribe to The Curated Man.

Because I Said I Would – Aligning Our Words With Our Actions

As humans, we say great things.  We use great words that outline what we believe in and what we’ll do.  For instance, I believe the Designated Hitter has no place in baseball!  Certainly great words.  I say I believe in justice, equity and love.  Great things.  I’ve made promises to people.  Many I’ve kept, some I regrettably haven’t.  I tell my wife and daughter that I love them; an action more than it is feelings.  And yet, I’m not perfect on that front either.

Case in point: To love (as an action) my family, I must live.  To love my daughter, I must lead.  And yet, I sometimes come up short.  Recently, I’ve decided that I need to re-introduce exercise back into my daily routines.  I’m now 46.  I can’t eat like I used to anymore.  I can’t take youth for granted, because it no longer belongs to me.  I’ve put on considerable weight since my mid-thirties.  I have high blood pressure that is treated with pharmaceuticals.  I’m reminded often of my own mortality, something I didn’t think much about when I was younger.  Bottom line, I know that if I want to be around for my family, I have to take better care of myself.  I’ve told Shani and “S” this through the years, and I’ve taken some strides in that direction, but I haven’t followed through on some of those promises.

In my recent post What Makes A Man A Man?, I explored some basic criteria to address that question.  One of the principles discussed had to do with aligning our words with our actions.  To break it down to a single word…integrity.  Do we adhere to what we say we are?  This is one concept where I am reminded regularly that I have room for growth.

This is not a unique challenge.  I know many men, and women for that matter, that struggle with this challenge.  In fact, I know of no person whose words are always aligned with their actions.  Should we resign ourselves to the reality that perfection doesn’t exist?  Are there resources that can help us reach a truer alignment of our words with our actions?

A few years ago, Shani introduced me to a social movement that addresses this very topic.  She read about it while flying back home from a business trip and it resonated with her enough to immediately share it with me.  She soon incorporated it into the culture of the team she managed and encouraged me to learn more about it as well.  The movement is called because I said I would. The premise is that we are only as good as the promises we keep.  Brilliant, basic and undeniably true.  For Shani and I, it has been an indispensable resource in our personal growth.  We both encourage you to check it out.

So I continue to work on fulfilling the promises I’ve made.  Continue working on aligning my words with my actions.  Today our family is out enjoying a new active hobby we’re trying to incorporate into our own culture: kayaking.  I am going to continue pushing to build new healthy habits that align with my promises I’ve made to my family.  How successful I am is yet to be determined.  I’m certain there will be times that I struggle to fulfill these commitments.  But I know that I will never stop working on being the man I say I am.

Have you found yourself in situations where your words haven’t aligned with your actions?  How have you handled this?  Please feel free to share your own ideas and stories.  Make sure that that you hit follow to ensure you never miss a blog post.  Like us on Facebook as well!

 

 

Who Is In Charge Here? – The Concept Behind The Curated Man

Merriam-Webster defines curator as “one who has the care and superintendence of something.”  Often, a curator is the title of one who oversees a collection, such as in a museum.  Many would argue that I belong in a museum; my body being the chief accuser. But, how does this contextually apply to this blog, The Curated Man?  Well, there has been one constant in my evolution as a human, a man.  There is one person who is ultimately responsible for the care and superintendence of me: me.

I chose the tile The Curated Man because…well, I’m a man.  The principle theory, of course, applies to all people, not just to men.  But, I am a man and my writing is filtered through a male lens.  I have no practical experience in being a woman and would never pretend to know what that experience is like; though I do try to think about the lenses others view life through.  Hence, The Curated Man was born.

I didn’t start life with the approach that I was curating myself.  In my teens, I struggled to focus on much past playing baseball, being in what could be loosely defined as a rock band and pretending to be cooler than I actually was.  In my twenties, I thought I had everything figured out, so why bother thinking of such profound concepts.  In my thirties, I realized I was wrong about nearly everything in my twenties and entered a brief period of self-pity and anger.  It wasn’t until I began my relationship with Shani and embarking on the parenting adventure, that I thought seriously about the concept of being the curator of myself and everything that it entails.

It would be too easy to say that meeting Shani caused a sudden and stark change in my acceptance of the gravity of the role I needed to play in my continued maturity.  It would be equally naive to say that the moment came when I became a father.  There are certainly correlations, but the connection to causation is sketchy.  No Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc arguments here. It was a process, one which I am still refining today.  Along the way, I’ve learned some simple yet sobering truths.  It has been equal parts pain and joy.  Most of all, it’s a journey which has just begun.

As I continue on this never-ending work, I invite you to join me.  Some days the words may be explorative and contemplative.  Other days may be light and riddled with humor and musings.  Maybe you’re on a similar journey.  Maybe you know someone else that is. Maybe you will share what you’ve learned through our own personal curation.  Maybe…just maybe, we’ll all get something out of the dialogue.  If you haven’t already, officially follow the blog.  If something resonates…hit like, share and tell me more about it.

 

 

A Gentleman’s Goodbye – The Loss of an Inspirational Friend

This wasn’t how I planned on first exploring the concept of The Curated Man in more detail.  Then again, life is full of unexpected events.

This weekend, a friend and former colleague of mine died after a couple of years of battling a debilitating illness.  I cannot and will not pretend the he and I were best friends, but I did grow very fond of him during our brief time shared in this life.  In reflecting upon the loss, I drew a sharper understanding of the impact he had on me.  I’m sure it is an impact felt by almost everyone that was privileged to know him.

Bart was in many ways a master of so many things that I continue to experience challenges with in life.  Kindness, gentleness and a reassuring stoicism were just three of the attributes I struggle to master, but of which Bart delivered faithfully; effortlessly.  His love for his family was evident, not just through his words, but by his presence in their lives.  He came across as comfortable with himself; sure of himself without a trace of conceit.

He probably had no idea that I thought of him in this way.  I certainly didn’t tell him.  That I will regret.  That opportunity, I will never get back.  He was one of the men in my life that I drew inspiration from because of his calming disposition.  I know he’s numbered among the many men in my life that I’ve drawn similar inspiration from.  Those that possessed qualities that I wanted to incorporate into my own essence.  A personal curation of how to be a man; a human.  To that, I am eternally grateful.

Rest easy my friend.  You have done much here for so many.  You have achieved an immortality through the influence you have had on the lives of others; your wife and three boys. That influence lives on and can never be taken away from those who loved you; those who counted you as a friend.